"And sometimes my soul flickers, As the wind of change blows cold over the mire of repeition, down the corridors of rigmarole"

One performer that I have continued to appreciate over the years is David Gray. I find that I gravitate more towards his older stuff (Before White Ladders) which tends to be quite raw when compared to the production on his most recent albums (A New Day at Midnight, Life in Slow Motion). It is on his early works A Century Ends and Flesh, where his uncut songwriting ability[1] comes through extremely loud. Countless times over the past few years, I have found myself revisiting a few of these songs and being struck by the nakedness and emotion that he wraps into his lyrics. Honestly, if I ever become a singer/songwriter[2] I would love to write songs like his. One song that I have enjoyed lately is “New Horizons” off of Flesh.

A couple of his lines have been stuck in my head lately:

"Things come too easy,I get suspicious
Things come too slow, I get bored
If it don't work out I get superstitious
But if it does, oh my word”

I think it is a great way to explain the constant ebb and flows of our daily lives. Anyways I will let the rest of the song speak for itself.

"Weight on my shoulders
But I'm walking so tall
Out into the new horizon
Wonder in everything
No matter how great or small
Howlin' like the midnight
Howlin' like the midnight sun
And this ain't no pale reflection
This is the real thing
New horizon New horizon within
And your heart ain't yours to control
N o matter how tight the reigns
Love will find it's own direction
A time to reap, a time to sow
And many a time to cry in vain
But now the time to celebrate The glory of this imperfection
Same thing that's scrawled across the stars
Is written under our skin
New horizon New horizon within
Things come too easy, I get suspicious
Things come too slow, I get bored
If it don't work out I get superstitious
But if it does, oh my word
So I'm gathering all the remnants of beauty
From this wilderness in spin
And now I'm gonna light my own flame'
cause I'm charged with the radiance of the dawn
That's been so long breaking
Now there ain't nowhere
There ain't nowhere I won't write your name
There's a time to search for understanding
Sometime you just gotta sing
New horizon New horizon within
Baby there's no need to get precious
When you know that everything must change
Complacency, it can be so vicious
Turn this love into a cage
Same thing that's scrawled across the stars
Is written under our skin
New horizon New horizon within

Albums:
David Gray- Flesh[3]
David Gray- A Century Ends [4]

Songs:
David Gray- New Horizons
David Gray –Shine

[1] I mean He actually used rigmarole in a song
[2] For the record, I did attempt to learn guitar and write my own music in high school. In the end, it was a futile venture as my songs end up sounding like horrible Dashboard Confessional B-sides
[3] Standout Songs: New Horizons, Coming Down, Mystery of Love, Flesh
[4] Standout Songs: Shine, Gathering Dust

“You are the smell before rain, you are the blood in my veins” ….

Artist collaborations tend to be odd creations especially when the artists come from two different sides of the musical spectrum. The other day I stumbled across a group of you tube videos from a tour that featured a collaboration of two artists I have enjoyed for many years. The tour took place this past spring and paired, solo artist, Kevin Devine with Jesse Lacey(lead singer of Brand New). I discovered Kevin Devine about six year ago with his first album Circle Gets the Square. His music was never anything groundbreaking, just a man, a guitar and a bundle of well written songs. My introduction of Jesse Lacey came through his band Brand New and their release Deja Entendu [1]. This album became a absolulte stable of the 6 months I spent studying in Ireland and will always remind me of traveling around Europe. Brand New has since released a much darker/heaver album titled The Devil and God are Raging inside Me[2], but Deja Entendu was by far their best album[3]. The fore mention collaboration videos come from a performance Kevin and Jesse put on together at the House of Blues in New Orleans. The set list consists of a mix of Brand New songs and Kevin Devine's Songs. The different elements that the both of them bring to each other's material makes for a very intriguing end product and a great performance. Take a glance at the videos and the links to the original songs, so you can witness the transformation.

Info:
Kevin Devine Kevin's Website
Brand New
Jesse Lacey

Music:

Brand New -The Boy who Blocked his Own Shot (Deja Entendu)
Brand New- I Will Play my Game Beneath the Spin Light (Deja Entendu)
Kevin Devine- Noose Dressed like Necklace (Make the Clocks Move)
Kevin Devine- Me and My Friends( Putting your Ghost to Rest)
Kevin Devine- Ballgame (Make the Clocks Move)

Jesse Lacey and Kevin Devine- The Boy Who Blocked his Own shot(Brand New) live at House of Blues
Jesse Lacey and Kevin Devine- Ballgame (Devine) Live at House of Blues
Bonus: Jesse Lacey and Kevin Devine- Play the Crack in the Sky live in West Babylon, NY [4]


[1] Thank you Mike Stratis
[2] Talk about a Heavy album title. I guess my soul is fucked up place was just a tad too literal
[3] Standouts include: Play The Crack in the Sky, The Boy who Blocked His own Shot, I Will Play my Game Beneath the Spin Light, The Quiet Things That No One Ever Knows
[4] This song relates the story of a sinking ship off Montauk Point to a relationship that is falling apart

Picking up a vice...

Most of the time you hear about people pledging to give up a vice. Whether the Vice is smoking, eating chocolates or gambling, the idea is to improve oneself. In fact, many of us were raised to avoid vices by all means necessary. That is until we are all given the freedom titled " Freshman year" and end up drinking, smoking and gambling all in one good night in the dorms. However, each one of these experiences was part of us growing up. We quickly learned that it wasn't a good us to finish off that bottle of Rubinoff[1] before the boat cruise and that betting your book money on online poker usually ended with more losses than wins. These were the things we had to learn the hard way and we have the scars to prove it[2]. As we grow older, we have packed away the vices of our college years. Occasionally, we will sneak a cigarette outside a bar or bet big on a upcoming game. We have even at times traveled down the dark road that begins with plastic bottles of cheap vodka and ends with a list of regrets and fuzzy memories. Nonetheless, we have been diligent to avoid these vices in the name of living better. Well, I have decided this summer that I am going to the exact opposite. I am going to pledge to gain a vice; to indulge in something that most people strive to give up. Consider it the antithesis of a new year’s resolution. I am going to take up cigar smoking. Yes, it isn’t exactly the most taboo of vices[3], but it works for me. You see I have never smoked a cigarette in my life[4]. I have always avoided them even when many of my best friends were picking up 2 pack a day habits. Hell, my best friend of 7 years has smoked ever since I met him[5]. So why cigars? Well, I have always wanted to develop an experienced palate[6] for cigars and I figured what better time than now especially given that I have the health and the lack of responsibilities to embark on such a idiotic quest. With this is mind, I am going to pledge to smoke at least one cigar a week. I have just ordered a mix pack of cigars from a website and I am prepared to learn my lesson the hard way. I am sure by a month or so IN, I will realize that picking up cigar smoking at Twenty Five isn't the best of ideas.
Cigar.Com



[1] My experience was actually sophomore year and ended with my roommates putting make up on me
[2] Exhibit A: chin scar; lesson learned: Don’t assume after a few drinks that you can maneuver a bike like Lance Armstrong. Exhibit B: 13 stitches in left eyebrow; lesson learned: Don’t attempt to use a heavy wooden door as a shield from your track star roommate
[3] See Thai Sex binges, Russian Roulette, High stakes Poker, Underground street fighting
[4] I have smoked cigarettes, but without inhaling into my lungs(like one would smoke a cigar)
[5] I believe he has since given up or is still attempting to give up smoking
[6] I don’t even know if this actually exists, just need an actual goal.

" Like a sales force into the night"...

After reading my previous posts, It is obvious that growing up and maturing has been something I have been reflecting on lately. I know 25 isn’t exactly that old, but it sure feels like it. Go figure that one of my top songs of the past year deals with this exact theme. The Band is LCD Soundsystem which is a project of dance-punk music producer James Murphy. I tend to shy away from dance music*, but I last year I read countless positive reviews of his most recent album the Sound of the Silver. It was on this album that I discovered the track "All my friends" and it has been love ever since. I was completely hooked at the first beat of the song and immediately I realized that Mr. Murphy had created a song that transcends anything else he had touched. Apparently he wrote the song after turning 45 and looking back on how much his friendships had changed over the years. It inst exactly a few original insight, but his lyrics are fantastic. It struck me that his experiences/emotions where very similar to the past few of my own life especially in the framework of witnessing the relationships I made at Boston College wax and wane. A friend once told me that every year, you should take a moment to make a list of the people you would invite to your wedding because this little exercise would speak loads about who is truly important to you in your life. I haven’t done this yet, but I think I would be amazed by how much it has changed since leaving BC.

Enjoy the song and check out the video if you get a chance.

All my Friends by Lcd Soundsystem

All My Friends(video) by Lcd Soundsystem

Here are the lyrics:

That's how it starts

We go back to your house

We check the charts

And start to figure it out

And if it's crowded, all the better

Because we know we're gonna be up late

But if you're worried about the weather

Then you picked the wrong place to stay

That's how it starts

And so it starts

You switch the engine on

We set controls for the heart of the sun

one of the ways we show our age

And if the sun comes up, if the sun comes up, if the sun comes up

And I still don't wanna stagger home

Then it's the memory of our betters

That are keeping us on our feet

You spent the first five years trying to get with the plan

And the next five years trying to be with your friends again

You're talking 45 turns just as fast as you can

Teah, I know it gets tired, but it's better when we pretend

It comes apart

The way it does in bad films

Except in parts

When the moral kicks in

Though when we're running out of the drugs

And the conversation's winding away

I wouldn't trade one stupid decision

For another five years of life

You drop the first ten years just as fast as you can

And the next ten people who are trying to be polite

When you're blowing eighty-five days in the middle of France

Yeah, I know it gets tired only where are your friends tonight?

And to tell the truth

Oh, this could be the last time

So here we go

Like a sales force into the night

And if I made a fool, if I made a fool, if I made a fool

on the road, there's always this

And if I'm sewn into submission

I can still come home to this

And with a face like a dad and a laughable stand

You can sleep on the plane or review what you said

When you're drunk and the kids leave impossible tasks

You think over and over, "hey, I'm finally dead."

Oh, if the trip and the plan come apart in your hand

Tou look contorted on yourself your ridiculous prop

You forgot what you meant when you read what you said

And you always knew you were tired, but then

Where are your friends tonight?

Where are your friends tonight?

Where are your friends tonight?

If I could see all my friends tonight

If I could see all my friends tonight

If I could see all my friends tonight

If I could see all my friends tonight

Have you watched....

It happens to everyone and the request can come from anyone. A family member, a coworker or even that randy from Saturday night at the BHP. It always begins the same way. “ Have you see _____ show?” or “ Tell me you are a fan of ____” A unenthusiastic response will usually spark your companion to launch into a well scripted and calculated pitch about why one needs to watch _____. The focused show can be anything, but the usual suspects include, but are not limited to The Wire, Nip/Tuck Arrested Development, Lost , How I Met your Mother[1]Depending on the situation and the effectiveness of the fore mentioned pitch , some of us might be convinced to give the show a try. I myself eventually caved in to my friends’ impassion bids to watch AD and Lost and I have to admit the hype was more than warranted. However, there is always one show/book/band that seems to haunt you in every aspect of your daily lives. For a while in my life, this pseudo stalker was not a TV show[2], but rather a American musical Icon. The man I never gave a chance was Bruce Springsteen. Before I continue, let me explain that its not like I had never heard his music before. It is impossible to be within 500 miles of New Jersey or attend Boston College and not be exposed to the Boss. Still this exposure was only to his popular songs[3] and I confess that I never invested very much on my side. For seven years, He was everywhere. I received emotional rants from Best Friends, Co workers and girlfriends. Some of my favorite artists toured with him, covered him and constantly reference him as a major influence. Still I ignored him. I had no reason to, It wasn’t that I thought he was particular overrated. In fact, I really enjoyed a few of his songs. It just he had to come to me in his own terms and I am happy to say about 6 months ago, much like ___ in 1979 I discovered the future of Rock and Roll and his name is Bruce Springsteen. Now you can catch me at 1:30am on a Saturday night drinking a Brewbaker reaping the praises of the boss. Tell me you have heard the River….

How I Met your Mother
The Wire
Bruce Springsteen


[1] I have been guilty of countless rants of how much I adore this show. Please watch it!

[2] The Wire. Never had more people recommend a show to me. Current half way through 1st season and it is amazing.
[3]Born to Run, Streets of Philadelphia, Dancing in the Dark

She caught my eye...

on the morning bus. She definitely fit my type. Dark Hair, check. Classy Dresser, check. Last, but not least. Is there a ring? check. Well at least it was a nice a moment.

At some point in the past few years and without me even fully realizing it. I have began to immediately look at girl's left hand whenever I find myself attracted to a girl.I feel like this social development is an a perfect manifestation of this confusing time we call our mid 20s. Half way out of college*, half way to Adulthood**.I never even noticed I was doing it until it was literally a daily habit.I am sure one day, I will begin assume everyone is married and be more surprised by when someone doesn't have a ring. Maybe this whole ring can be attributed to my entrance into the professional work force where I am more than often surrounded by ring sporting people rather than the single and still looking type. Maybe this subtle change is a harbinger of my own course to maturity and commitment. or maybe it just a defensive mechanism to keep me away from married women.

* random hook ups, border line alcoholism, Wednesday night at the Kells, Beirut

** Weddings, commitment, Netflix Subscriptions, Dogs, Children, First homes, Beirut

Chapter 1

At the age of 25 and 3 months, I am free again. Not free in the spiritual or empirical sense, as some might liberate themselves from oppression or injustice or even an addiction. No,the freedom that I am speaking of is of the basic and primal nature. You see in the past 6 months, I lost my first true love and a job that I thoroughly enjoyed. Luckily not on the same day. These two elements were the framework of which I built my dreams, hopes and plans for the next step of my life. The later half of my twenties. Then suddenly, I wake up once lustrous morning and these pillars no longer exist. It is was one of the moments that you fully don't realize until it has already past. Much how you spend weeks of a cold spring begging for the start of the summer and sudden one morning you realize you have been wearing flip flops and shorts for two weeks. If you have never lost a job before, it is a extremely humbling experience. One of those experiences that forces you to face insecurities and fears you never even knew you had. Anyway, I have rebuilt this part in my life and I won't be out interviewing and sending resumes anytime soon. Bouncing back from the end of my relationship has not been as easy.

Over the past few months, I have been struggling to find a way to explain my current feelings to my best friends and family. There has been times after a few beers or even a Cuban cigar,that i felt like I had nailed it! However, I found myself once again confused at the end of the conversation. Maybe this just shows that I don't even fully understand the depth and complexity of my current emotional state. I am sure my close friends would probably say that I spent too much time trying to "understand" my emotional state. Well as it has happened to me many other times in my life, I found clarity in the words of another. One of those moments where you say " Damn, that is exactly what I have been trying to put to words for 2 months and he even spelled imaginary correctly."
Well the savior of clarity this time proved to be a booked adeptly named " The things I learned from the women who dumped me". Yes, I know what you are saying. Wow, Colin next you are going to tell us that you shockingly learned how to make almond encrusted salmon by opening a cookbook. Well, at least hear my out. I had heard about this book about 7 months ago and at the time thought it was a clever title and the fact that it was complied by the creator of the Daily Show only strengthened its case to make my reading list. The premise of the book was to have a group of writers, comedians and musicians briefly reflected about the hard learned lessons that came from their failed relationships(particular ones where they were the dumped.. and not the dumper). The finished work is a hodgepodge of vastly different stories and even a cartoon or two. As a whole I found the book to be a slight disappointment. Full of more misses than hits. A few of the writers lost the heart of their stories during their endless attempts to be witty and funny. However, the handful of stories that worked were truly moving and quite relative pieces of writing. I would cautiously recommend the book to anyone in their twenties, but would be quick to highlight the specific writers that stood out from the pack. Now to the fore mentioned story. It was written by Damien Nash Jr. who is the lead singer of the band Ok Go of treadmill fame. In his brief story titled, A Dog is no a reason to stay together, he outlines the course and eventual end of a relationship with a woman named blank. The details of his story are better left told by him, but in one of the last paragraphs he sums up the story with these lines:

" So I just lay there and let it all go; the last traces of teamwork finally fizzled out. The saddest thing, that night, wasn't the loss, it was the thought that there would someday be others;other dogs, other boyfriends, other girlfriends; that all of our diligent future -building would inevitably be undone by real people in the real future. We all want to believe that the people who dump us will regret it someday, but I knew that it wasn't true; it was over, and I would be replaced"

Damn. That is what I have been trying to put to word over the past two months. The perfect mix of happiness and sorrow. Closure and attachment. Reflection and Growth.All packaged in the realization that for time it was just you and her... but deep down you know you will replace her and she will replace you. Thank you Damien Nash Jr.

Here is the Link to the book.